Fixation Read online

  “So I’m only special because of that?” I hated the weak sound of my voice, but hated even more the thought that what had drawn him to me was because of something totally outside my control.

  Balam’s gaze softened.

  “I swear to you, Maya, that what happened between us was more my need to be free of the spell. It was magic.” He paused, brushing his lips against my neck. “It is magic.”

  I shivered at the touch of his lips on my bare skin.

  “Do you really want me to let you go?” Balam whispered the words in my ear, the warmth of his breath sending reverberations through my entire body.

  I wanted him. Wanted him more than chocolate or wine.

  But my self respect?

  It needed a break.

  “Yes.” The word came out a whisper, but it worked.

  “Very well.” Balam’s grip on my wrists loosened and his pupils lost the feral feline glow.

  I wriggled free and sat up. Balam backed away, sitting against the far end of the couch.

  “I ... I need to get some sleep.” My voice sounded strangely formal.

  So did his. “Yes, that would be a good idea.”

  “I’ll get you some blankets and a pillow,” I said awkwardly. “You can sleep on the couch.”

  He nodded. “Thank you. I would appreciate not having to find a hotel at this time of night.”

  I nodded too.

  “I’ll get you those blankets.”

  I grabbed blankets, sheets, and a pillow out of the linen closet, setting them down on the couch and uttering a hasty “goodnight” before beating a retreat to the safety of my bedroom. I tried my best to ignore the imperative pulsing in my nether regions, willing sleep to come so I could pretend I did not want Balam so badly that it hurt.

  Chapter Nine

  I’m in jaguar form, running through dense foliage and towering trees, the air sultry with moisture and heat. I revel in the power of my muscles as I leap on and over fallen tree trunks. Other animals flee before me. I am the apex predator in this land and no other creature is bold -- or stupid-- enough to challenge me.

  A noise to my right – a crack like a gunshot – startles me and I leap to the left, landing in a thick tangle of vines, like dark green pythons with blood-red flowers. Their scent is sickly sweet, an underlying decay covered with perfume. I don’t like the smell and scramble to get free of the foliage, but the vines cling to my legs, holding me there no matter how hard I struggle. They coil around my body and neck, pulling me down into their cloying depths. A vine wraps around my neck, choking off my roar of fury.

  “Poor little kitty...”

  The voice is as sweet and poisonous as the flowers that surround me.

  My frantic thrashing stills as the sound of footsteps approach. I know that whoever the voice belongs to means me harm.

  The footfalls stop short of my trap.

  I smell another scent over the toxic perfumed flowers: a musky smell that reeks of carnal desire. The face that lowers itself into my vision is the embodiment of this sensual perfume.

  “Hello, little one...”

  Huge eyes, a blue so dark they appear black. Straight, strong nose with flared nostrils. A mouth so ripe and red as to be almost obscene. She is corrupt and beautiful.

  Desirable ... and evil.

  I recognize her as the woman I saw in Balam’s visions. The woman who trapped him.

  She reaches out one hand and strokes the fur along my head and neck.

  I would bite her if I could.

  “Poor little jaguar girl. Are you the best Balam could find?”

  I growl, a low rumble in my throat.

  She laughs, the sound as melodious as water in a polluted mountain stream.

  “You have teeth, eh?”

  Anger giving me strength, I pull against the vines with my right front paw and wrest it free. I slash out with my claws, raking them down the side of her face. She shrieks in pain and fury, my attack taking her by surprise. I revel in the sight of blood flowing from the gashes my claws have left in her golden flesh.

  My satisfaction is short-lived as a shrieking fury suddenly takes the place of the voluptuous beauty, her face growing larger and larger as she looms over me, like a nightmare visage viewed through a fish-eye lens. Her dark eyes turn red, blood dripping down her face. Her mouth yawns open, red lips thinning out as jagged teeth sprout from black, rotting gums.

  I roar in fear this time, the guttural sound rising into the jungle skies until it became a shriek of terror and I—

  I sat upright in my bed, clarion shrieks of primal fear pealing out of my throat as sweat ran in rivulets off my body.

  “She’s here!”

  “Shhhh... Maya, you are safe... Hush, my darling... I’m here... “

  Warm, strong arms enfolded me against a bare chest as a deep voice murmured soothingly in my ear until my screams gradually faced into whimpers. I clutched him with both hands as he rocked me back and forth like a baby until the shudders wracking my body subsided.

  “I have you, my brave one...”

  I let him cradle me in his arms, my head against his chest. I listened to the sound of his heartbeat, focusing on the rhythm until I could breathe without panic tightening my chest.

  “She was here...”

  “Who was here, Maya?”

  “The woman who trapped you.”

  Balam’s arms tightened around me. “That should not be possible.”

  I swallowed painfully. I really had to stop ripping my vocal cords raw.

  “It was her. I saw her before ... when you arrived ... when you were still Nagual. She knew who I was ... and that you were with me. “

  Tension thrummed from his body into mine.

  “I’m sorry, Maya. I never would have put you in danger if I’d known she could follow me in Dream Time.”

  As much as I wanted to stay wrapped in the warmth and security of Balam’s arms, I made myself straighten and push away so I could look him in the eyes.

  “Who is she?”

  “Anani. A priestess of Evaki. “ He stared bleakly into the distance. “I thought I could trust her. I was wrong.”

  “Tell me about her.”

  “You should rest now, Maya.” He pushed a sweat-soaked strand of hair back from my face. I shook my head.

  “Tell me about her,” I repeated stubbornly. “Maybe if I know more about her, she won’t be able to scare me so much.”

  Balam heaved a huge sigh.

  “Very well, then.” He settled back cross-legged on the end of my bed, looking like the sexiest storyteller in all of history.

  He’d taken off his shirt, revealing those six-pack abs, sculpted chest, and arms, and was now clad only black sweatpants and the little pouch suspended from his neck by a leather cord. I tried not to stare at what they clung to, covering myself with my blanket and settling back to listen to his story.

  “I met Anani in New Orleans. She was a child of the streets. I sensed Evaki’s bloodline mixed in with her Creole heritage ... and taught her to use her powers. How to shift form. How to dreamwalk, to control both dream and dreamer. I should not have done so.”

  I had to ask. “Did you ... do you love her?”

  Balam’s smile was crooked. “I wanted her,” he said. “And I let my desire cloud my judgment. Anani was ... is ... the embodiment of all that is sensual and desirable.”

  “Of course she is,” I muttered, feeling as far from sensual or desirable as it was possible to feel. “So what was the problem?”

  “She wants to steal the power of the sun from Evaki, put the world into endless night and control all of mankind through its dreams.”

  I couldn’t help it. I laughed. “Oh, is that all?”

  He gave me a look, but I was unapologetic.

  “I’m sorry, but you have to admit it’s a bit over the top,” I said.

  “Be that as it may, it is the truth.” He folded his arms across his chest, as close to sullen as I’d seen him ... and one of
the few males I knew who could carry off a sulk and still be sexy.

  I held up a conciliatory hand. “Sorry. I joke when I’m nervous.”

  “Do I make you nervous, Maya?” He smiled and his eyes took on that golden glimmer, as if lit from within by gold dust.

  “You know you do,” I said irritably as an unwanted wave of heat flushed through me. “But not as much as the thought of the world cast into endless night with some psycho-bitch stalking everyone in their dreams. And just how does she plan on doing this, anyway?”

  “By taking the power of the rest of Evaki’s shamans. She has been slowly ensorcelling us one by one, trapping us in our totem animal forms and stealing our totems.” He held up the little figurine I’d found in his—Nagual’s crate. “She somehow missed mine.”

  “How did it end up in your crate?”

  “One of my apprentices must have slipped it in there before Anani had me shipped out of the country. I only hope Anani does not know who did it. She will not deal with them gently.”

  “How...” I wasn’t sure how to phrase this, so I just went with blunt. “How did she trap all of you?”

  Now he really looked uncomfortable. “Sex magic.”

  “All of you?”

  “I thought I was the only one she slept with.” He paused. “As it turns out, I was just her favorite.”

  There so many responses that would mix snark with sympathy that I chose to keep my mouth shut. Mortification was coming off him in waves. I didn’t need to add to it.

  “She asked me to join her.”

  “Come to the dark side, Luke,” I muttered. Typical supervillain.

  “I refused and thought that was the end of it. She said she was not serious. I believed her.” He shook his head. “My ego stopped me from seeing how much darkness had taken root in Anani’s soul.”

  Thinking with the little head instead of the big one, I thought. But again I managed to keep my mouth shut. Nothing short of miraculous.

  “By the time I realized just how far gone she was, I was the last of our circle of shamans left to oppose her. The rest ...” He shook his head. “Their spirits are trapped in the spirit realm while their bodies roam the jungles in their animal guise, unable to return to human form without their totem stones. I am not strong enough on my own.”

  This did not sound good.

  “So basically you’re saying this crazy bitch is going to win?”

  “Not if I can help it.” Balam’s mouth set in a grim line, the expression at odds with the sensuality of his lips. “If I can retrieve the totems and free my shamans, we can stand against her.”

  “But that means going back to Belize and facing her alone first, right?”

  He nodded.

  “If she trapped you once, what’s to prevent her from doing it again, especially if she has the stolen power of the other shamans?”

  “She took me by surprise before. She will not do so again.”

  I looked at him. Really?

  “That’s still no guarantee she won’t catch you trying to steal the totems and zap you back into Nagual or just kill you this time.”

  “That is a risk I must take.” Nobility of purpose and arrogance shone from his eyes. I wanted to smack him.

  I sighed. “Look, Balam, I’m not in favor of living in a world of endless night, okay? But there has to be another way to stop her without you rushing back to stick your head in a noose. Isn’t there any other way to rescue the other shamans?”

  He shook his head. “If there were at least one other shaman and we had access to the Temple of Jaguars... but Anani has taken that for her own as well.” Off my look he continued, “It is a special temple made up of five ancient statues depicting different stages of shamans transforming into jaguars. The statues surround her Cauldron, guarding it from those who steal her power. The place is sacred to Evaki, a vortex of psychic energy.” He shook his head again. “There is no other way. I will have to go back to Belize and take my chances. And you will be safe after I leave.”

  I opened my mouth to argue, but a jaw-cracking yawn caught me by surprise. The adrenaline of the nightmare was gone, leaving profound exhaustion in its wake.

  Balam smiled, his expression softening. “Sleep now, Maya. Your body and mind are still recovering from the shift.”

  I clutched the quilt to my chest, unwilling to lie back down and possibly face the creature from my nightmare again.

  “What ... what if she comes back?”

  Balam cupped my face with one hand, fingers gently caressing my hair. He stared into my eyes, their expression melting my fears and warming other parts of me.

  “I will watch over your dreams,” he promised. “She will not be able to reach you again tonight.”

  The certainty in his voice soothed me and I lay back down.

  “You’ll stay with me?” Yes, I sounded like a five-year-old.

  In answer he stretched out beside me, nudging me so I turned over to lie on one side. He curved his body against mine, spooning me, one strong arm draped around my waist. Fingers caressed my scalp, soothing me. I felt protected, cherished in a way I hadn’t felt in years.

  “Sleep, my brave one...sleep.” He murmured something in a language I didn’t understand, melodious and fluid, the words flowing from his lips like a mountain stream. I fell asleep basking in the combined warmth of my goose down quilt and Balam’s muscular body wrapped around mine.

  Chapter Ten

  Waking up is normally something that comes hard for me. I’m not a morning person and since Luna died, I didn’t even have the comfort of a warm, purring kitty curled up next to me.

  This morning, however, I woke up in a cocoon of total well being. Warmth spread through my body, emanating from the body wrapped around mine like a contoured blanket.

  Balam’s chest molded against my back, his legs pressed against mine with no space between. One of his arms circled my waist, the other rested against the top of my head. I felt his breath warm against my hair, slow and steady in slumber. Half asleep myself, I smiled in contentment and wriggled back against him—and felt something hard move against my butt.

  I froze as I realized what was waking up behind me, but it was too late. Balam murmured something against my ear and pulled me closer, letting me feel just how aroused he was, even only half awake. The hand at my waist moved lower, fingers tracing a path under my T-shirt from my hip down my flank, then making their way around to my inner thigh, tantalizingly close to the V between my legs. I held my breath and tried not to move. Maybe if I didn’t move he’d think I was asleep and stop—stop—

  Oh.

  His fingers stroked me through the cotton of my g-string, heat emanating from his skin as if each finger had a glowing ember tip.

  I wouldn’t move. If I didn’t move, he’d—

  I gasped and arched involuntarily up against him, as Balam insinuated his hand under the g-string, pressing his palm against my sex. Soft laughter tickled my ear, sending yet another jolt of heat through my groin.

  “I knew you were awake,” he murmured, fingers never stopping their movement against me.

  “How did you ... know?” I squirmed as he played with my clitoris, flicking it lightly with one finger, like a butterfly kiss.

  “Your”—he licked my ear—”breathing and your heartbeat. One was too regular and the other”—he rolled over onto his back, taking me with him, his free hand cupping my breast through my shirt—”far too rapid for sleep.” The rough skin of his palm caressed my nipple, rubbing against it until it stiffened into a hard little peak.

  I knew there were a dozen good reasons I should object, tell him to stop, but I couldn’t articulate one of them. When I opened my mouth, all that came out was a moan of desire as first one, then two of his fingers slipped inside me, finding and pressing my g-spot as his thumb continued to stroke my clitoris.

  My hips rose and fell against his hand, matching his rhythm, my breath coming faster as he slowly kissed my neck, teeth, and tongue worki
ng together to send me into sensory overload. It was almost too much, but as I tried briefly to pull away, Balam’s arms tightened around me like bands of velvet wrapped steel, holding me in place.

  “No, little Maya,” he whispered against my ear. “I let you go last night. I do not have enough will power to do so again.”

  With that, he pressed his fingers deeper and a sudden sharp orgasm jolted through my body. Even as I cried out with the strength of it, Balam rolled over, pressing me beneath him, the hard length of his penis replacing his fingers inside me. Another surge of sensation rippled from my sex through my body as another orgasm hit. Balam captured my cry of ecstasy with his lips as he kissed me, his tongue thrusting into my mouth even as his cock thrust into my body.

  Sex with Jesse had been okay. Nothing earth-shattering, but okay. But things had always been slightly awkward, our bodies not quite meshing. I’d always felt vaguely unsatisfied after sleeping with him.

  But with Balam, it was as if we were built for each other. Our bodies fit together like matching puzzle pieces. Self-consciousness went out the window and I gave myself up completely to the sensations he evoked, my body in complete harmony with his as the long, hard length of him filled me again and again.

  I opened my mind, dropping the shields that normally surrounded it, and reached out with my psyche into his, feeling the passion Balam felt for me. I felt his need, his arousal, and his focus, all for and because of me. His entire being was fixated on me. At that moment I was quite literally the center of his universe.

  His hands entwined with mine on either side of my head. His eyes stared into mine, golden flecks glowing with supernatural light.

  My mind and body opened up even further, melding with Balam’s so that when his climax hit, my body felt what his did, shudders of pleasure wracking both of us in tandem. We melted into one another as if we shared a single body. The intimacy shook me to my very core. Nothing I’d experienced in the past, even with my enhanced psychic abilities, had prepared me for this—this mind meld.

  “Maya,” he groaned as a final ripple of orgasm shook his body. He sank against me, hands loosening their grasp from mine so I could wrap my arms around him and run my fingers down the sweat-soaked skin of his back and buttocks.