Fixation Read online

  “Are you human?”

  He smiled, showing remarkably long and sharp canines. “Sometimes.” His fingertips caressed the palms of my hands. My knees went weak and my nipples stiffened beneath T-shirt and hoodie.

  “Why are you here?”

  “Trapped by an enemy whom I thought was a ... friend.”

  Sudden images of the beautiful fierce woman played through my head. I saw her face underlit in the glow of lit torches, triumphant and cruel as I—he lay on the ground before her. She held something in her hand, thrust it forward so he could see it better. The little crouching figurine. She chanted in a language I didn’t recognize, but Balam did, and I felt his horror as he realized what she was doing.

  The dream within a dream ended and I once more stood before the cage, hands still touching Balam’s.

  “I must have it back.”

  “What does it do?”

  “Without it I am trapped in only one form in the waking world. I cannot go home again. Anani would do much damage in my absence.”

  “She’s the woman who trapped you?

  He nodded. “Will you help me?”

  “Of course.” Reluctantly I pulled one hand away from his and retrieved the figurine. “Here.” I poked it through one of the openings, taking care not to let go of it until Balam had it in a firm grip.

  His face lit up in triumph not unlike the expression on Anani’s face when in my vision, and his features seemed to shift back and forth between human and feline, the characteristics of both melting into one another and morphing again even as I watched. This was too freaky, even for a dream. My breath caught in my throat and I took a step back, then another, getting ready to run.

  “Wait.”

  Somehow both a command and a request, the single word stopped me from bolting.

  “I need you, Maya. I am weak and must replenish my magics if I am to break Anani’s spell. Will you help me?”

  That question again. But this time I hesitated. “What do you need?”

  His face totally human again, he gazed at me with a mixture of tenderness and lust I’d never seen before. “I need you.” He held out his hand as if expecting me to take it and I would have if not for the cage bars that—that were no longer there. “Come to me.”

  It was a dream so I went with it. I took Balam’s hand and he drew me towards him into another place.

  * * * *

  We stood on the edge of a perfect clearing nestled against the edge of immense trees draped with vines. Soft grass replaced the cold concrete that had been under our feet. Warm sunlight, improbable tropical flowers with multicolored blossoms so bright and fragrant they seemed almost alien. A waterfall splashed down into a small crystalline aqua lake with a tiny strip of white sandy beach sparkling up against the water.

  Why didn’t I have dreams like this every night?

  “Do you like it?”

  “It’s perfect.”

  “No, Maya. You are perfect.” With that Balam leaned down and kissed me, lips firm and oh-so-real against mine. When his tongue slipped inside my mouth, I met it gladly with my own, my body melding against his as he pressed a strong hand against my lower back to hold me closer to him. I felt the heat of his groin through the denim of my jeans, suddenly hyper aware of his nakedness ... and magnificent body.

  Why did I still have clothes on? Shouldn’t I be naked in this kind of dream? Or at least wearing a whisper-thin slip of silk clinging to my curves and flowing to the ground?

  Balam’s hands slipped under my T-shirt to the clasp of my bra, unhooking it with experienced fingers. I guess this jaguar got around. He gently pulled both shirt and hoodie over my head, trapping my arms in the fabric with a firm twist of his hand. I gave a small gasp, heat coiling in my stomach, anticipation mixed with just a hint of fear as he lowered me to the ground, drawing my arms and hands above my head, his green-gold eyes staring into mine.

  “What are you doing?”

  His lips curved in a seductive smile. “Whatever you want...” His mouth descended on mine in a soul-shattering kiss; lips, tongue, and teeth doing things that drove me wild. I arched up against him, arms straining to be free so I could wrap them around his torso and pull him even closer.

  He nibbled on my lower lip, planted little butterfly kisses on my jawline and neck. Then he moved lower, tongue like rough velvet tracing a path from my neck to my collarbone, then down to my breasts. Licking first one nipple, then the other, my dreamworld lover used that deliciously rough tongue of his to tease them both into stiff buds, so sensitive to the touch I almost came on the spot. Balam laughed softly, his warm breath on my skin like an aphrodisiac. One hand slipped down to the waistband of my jeans, unhooking the top button with clever fingers, pulling the zipper down with deliberate slowness, prolonging our anticipation.

  His fingers slipped inside my lace thong, teasing the edges of my most sensitive area but never coming into real contact. I growled softly and thrust my hips against his hand, wanting more.

  “What do you want?” He smiled down at me, canines lengthening as I watched.

  “You.”

  I pulled my hands free—or maybe he let them go—and wrapped both arms around his back, feeling the muscles that rippled underneath like steel cables. I nipped at his neck, tasting spices and the salty-sweet flavor of his sweat.

  “More,” I growled, not sure if I was thinking or talking out loud at this point.

  “You will have more.” He made a guttural sound that could have been a laugh or a growl or both. With one casual sweep of his hand, he ripped my jeans and thong off my body, literally shredded the fabric with a hand that now had claws. The tips grazed my flesh with a slight stinging sensation just short of pain. My nipples stiffened even more, so hard and sensitive that the slightest brush of his skin against them made me squirm with desire.

  My hands, caressing the sleek, smoothness of his skin, felt coarse fur sprouting under my fingers, growing impossibly fast like the time-lapse film of a flower unfurling. I looked up into Balam’s face as his nose flattened, his teeth elongated, and his green-gold eyes took on a feral expression that should have terrified me ... but instead aroused me to the point of no return.

  I could smell the scent of our arousal in the air: an earthy, musky smell as heady and intoxicating as the fragrance of expensive perfume or melting chocolate. I felt myself growing warm and so wet I thought I’d die if he didn’t fuck me then and there. But Balam had other ideas.

  “Wait.”

  He ran that gloriously rough tongue across my breasts again, then moved lower, tracing a path down my stomach to my hips, flicking the sensitive area around each hip bone, taking tiny tastes of my flesh with gentle bites. He ran his fingers/claws down to my legs, teasing the soft skin of my inner thighs while his mouth and tongue traced a warm path between.

  I moaned and arched into his mouth as he explored my most sensitive parts, tongue plunging inside me and lapping at my clitoris with a smooth, steady rhythm guaranteed to drive me crazy.

  “Now.” I reached down lower and took his shaft in one hand. No fur, just a hot, thick, throbbing cock. Mine, I thought as I carefully guided him to my center, feeling the tip pushing against me.

  “Yes. Yours.” With one sudden movement, Balam thrust inside me, filling me completely. I screamed as I came, the sound deepening even as it came out of my mouth, lengthening, coarsening to the bellowing roar of a jaguar.

  Balam suddenly bit down on my neck, teeth closing around my jugular in a grip that meant business. I gasped, then growled again and dug my nails into his back, nails now curved in deadly talons that could take chunks out of a bowling ball.

  Balam withdrew from me and I laughed with a primal joy as I felt my body changing, shifting, and morphing into something wild and ferocious, strength coursing through my body. I lifted a hand to see rough yellow-brown fur, patterned with rosettes replacing my skin. Half hand, half paw, finishing the morph into paw even as I watched.

  “Do you like it?�
� Balam, now in totally in his jaguar form, hunkered down next to me.

  I grinned at him, an open-mouthed jaguar grin giving him the answer he sought, my tail (tail?) lashing back and forth with excitement.

  “Shall we swim?”

  “Oh, yes!” I took off like a shot, reveling in the feeling of strong muscles propelling me towards the enticing crystalline water. I felt rather than saw Balam (Nagual?) catching up with me, racing along at my side. We both reached the lake at the same time, plowing into the water like two feline cannonballs.

  It felt like cool liquid silk, like heaven.

  We played in the water like frolicking cubs, leaping on each other to see who could duck whom under the water, racing from one side of the lake to the other, then back again just because we could.

  After we swam Balam took me for a run in the jungle, letting me stretch my muscles and stamina. I reveled in the power and grace of my feline form—and the beauty of my companion. At one point he outpaced me, vanishing amongst the dense foliage. I ran after him, then stopped, disoriented and suddenly frightened he’d left me along in this strange place. I let out a mournful call that echoed through the trees. Then I was suddenly sideswiped by several hundred pounds of frisky jaguar.

  His mouth lolled open in an annoyingly satisfied grin. Both angry and relieved, I growled and swiped at him to let him know I was not amused. He boxed my ears in retaliation, then wrestled me down to the ground until I was on my stomach. His teeth sunk into my nape as he fucked me from behind. Quick but satisfying, although it hurt when he withdrew. Stupid feline barbed penis.

  Eventually we ended up back in the clearing where I collapsed in an exhausted heap, ready to sleep. “Rest now, Maya...” Balam gently washed my face with his tongue, like a mother cat with her kitten, soothing me to sleep in a cocoon of total security. “Remember ... I’ll be back for you.”

  Chapter Seven

  Reality and wakefulness did not come easily. I felt sunlight on my eyelids trying to urge me to join the world, but I felt such a wonderful languor from my dreams that I didn’t want to wake up. Then something started buzzing around my face, landing on my nose. I lazily swatted at it, then stretched out the full length of my body from head to ... to tail.

  My eyes flew open.

  Iron bars in front of me. Cement floor beneath me. Paws instead of hands.

  I opened my mouth to scream, but the only thing that came out was the guttural cough of a jaguar.

  I was a jaguar, it was broad daylight and I was locked in the quarantine cage at FPC.

  I looked outside at the patch of grass. There was no sign of my sleeping bag.

  This had to be a dream!

  But—what if it wasn’t?

  When Balaam had first appeared in his human guise, he’d asked for the little figurine I’d found. He’d said that without it he remained trapped. The thing obviously held a secret magic. Something strong enough to imprison a man in jaguar form? What if this man used it—used me—to free himself, trapping me in his place?

  Bastard.

  I started pacing back and forth along the length of the cage, tail lashing in outrage, bellowing roars of rage and abandonment with each circuit I made. No jaguar at FPC had ever made the fuss I was making now. I would wake up the entire compound until someone came to—

  To what?

  Who would know who and what I really was?

  This realization only set up an entire new round of barking roars, accompanied by frantic leaps up on the den box and back down, running around the perimeter of the cage, only to repeat the pattern again and again.

  Footsteps approached, but I paid them no heed, too caught up in my cycle of misery and betrayal.

  “Maya!”

  I stopped mid-leap as I recognized Balam’s voice. Running to the front of the cage, I leapt up, front paws against the bars as he strode towards me. My Aztec warrior was now dressed in jeans and a crisp white cotton shirt. He was followed closely by Jeri and Patrick.

  Balam leapt over the protective fence before Jeri or Patrick could stop him.

  “Senior Cadejo, I wouldn’t—” Patrick stopped and shook his head as Balam pressed his hands against my paws, putting his face up to the bars next to mine. I licked him frantically through the bars, ecstatic he hadn’t abandoned me. Then I remembered what he’d done to me and growled.

  “Maya,” he whispered. “It is going to be fine. I’ve come to take you home.” With a quick sleight of hand, he pulled the figurine seemingly out of the air and held it in front of me. “I’ll take care of you, I promise.” Another gesture and the figurine vanished.

  “How the hell did your people send us the wrong damn cat?” Jeri came up beside him, understandably pissed off and confused. No way she was gonna fall for this story.

  Balam shrugged. “I was out of the country and one of my keepers is new and didn’t bother to check the gender of the jaguar sent to you. He is no longer in my employ.”

  “So you’re saying this one isn’t even male?” This was Patrick, as pissed off as Jeri.

  “Most definitely not. This is Maya, a female whom I myself raised from birth.”

  Patrick shook his head. “That’s just bullshit. The cat in this cage was male. No way to miss that set of cajones.”

  “Perhaps you saw what you expected to see?” I waited for Patrick and/or Jeri to take Balam’s head off for even vaguely inferring they didn’t know the difference between a male and a female cat. Instead they exchanged a glance as if confused. He had to be working some sort of glamour on them. “You can see she knows me.”

  More or less true, I thought, giving his face another lick through the bars. I might not have entirely trusted him, but he was my only ticket out of quarantine.

  Jeri gave a grudging nod. “Obviously. You said her name is Maya?”

  Nodding, Balam reached in and scritched my forehead. “Just like your docent.”

  Jeri gave him a sharp look. “How the hell did you know that?”

  “Ah, that is quite simple. Once I discovered the mistake, I flew up here from Belize immediately and arrived at your compound early this morning. I didn’t want to intrude, so I waited in my car in the parking lot. Your Maya came out there quite early and I told her who I am and why I was here.”

  Patrick nodded slowly. Something about Balam’s soothing voice made anything seem plausible, almost as if he was hypnotizing all those who listened.

  “But why did she leave so early?” asked Jeri, frowning.

  “She was ill,” said Balam. “She said something about a ... a migraine? ... and needing to go home to get medicine. She asked me to let you know.”

  Jeri nodded, satisfied.

  “So now I must take my Maya home with me.” Balam smiled at me. I rubbed up against the bars, then ran back and forth before dropping to the ground and rolling on my back. “Do you have a crate I could use? Perhaps the one she arrived in? I have a vehicle suitable for transport to the airport in the lot.”

  “What about Nagual?” asked Patrick.

  “Ah, Nagual...” Balam looked at me as he spoke. “You know that Nagual is a name for a spirit companion in the form of a jaguar, yes? The shamans believe these companions protect them from evil spirits while they traverse the worlds between the spirit realm and the Earth.”

  “That’s all very interesting, Senior Cadejo.” I could tell Jeri was trying very hard to keep her temper. “But it doesn’t answer the question.”

  Balam turned to face her. “Quite right, Miss Callahan. My apologies. I will arrange to have the correct jaguar sent to you tomorrow on one of my private jets, at absolutely no expense to you. And for the inconvenience, I’ll also arrange for a donation of fifty thousand dollars to your compound.”

  Jeri and Patrick looked at each other, then back at Balam. Jeri was the first to speak. “That’s very generous of you, Senior Cadejo, but not necessary. The jaguar will be more than enough to—”

  Balam waved his hand in friendly dismissal. “I must insist.
You already paid for the transport of my little Maya here. The mistake was made by my people. Let me make up for it.”

  “Well...”

  “I insist.”

  He turned to me. “Maya, are you ready to leave with me?”

  I gave a soft grunt in reply. I wanted out of this cage in the worst possible way.

  Balam’s eyes green-gold eyes shimmered with an unearthly glow that only I saw. “Soon, Maya. I promise you.”

  I’d helped load many a cat into a transport crate in my time at FPC, but never had I been at the receiving end of the deal, and I have to say I didn’t much like it. My sympathy for any animal having to suffer the indignity of a carrier ratcheted up several notches as I very reluctantly crept into the crate and hunkered down into that small cramped space that still held the sharp tang of ammonia from cat piss no matter how many times it’d been hosed out and bleached. The jostling around as the crate was hoisted up and into the bed of a spanking-new shiny red truck didn’t help. Neither did the subsequent ride down the dirt road. By the time the truck pulled over to a turnout on the side of the road I was ready to either rip someone a new orifice or throw up my last dinner. Which made me wonder if a jaguar could hork up a few margaritas.

  Luckily I didn’t get the chance to find out. Balam came around to the back of the truck, opened up the tailgate and stared at me. “Are you ready to come back, Maya?” I lunged at the door of the crate. “You have to stay calm, querida. I’m going to let you out of there, but you have to promise me you won’t run away. If you do, you could be trapped in that form for the rest of your life. Do you understand?”

  I immediately hunkered down against the bottom of the crate, the only movement the lashing of my tail.

  Balam raised an eyebrow. “Is that a yes?”

  I huffed in reply.

  “Good.” He unlatched the crate door. I burst out of there, an explosion of muscle, fear, and anger. Balam stepped out of the way without flinching, even when I rounded on him and bared my teeth in a feral snarl.